Portal 2: The Insane Reversal of All Time
by interdimensionalPortaller
Summary: Everything is reversed! The Business Magnet is the sixteen-something test subject in Inter-Dimensional. I am the great fanfiction goddess looking over him. The way it had to be two of your years ago. I promise this story will be longer than my last one.
1. Chapter 1

There was this another day. (Think not one of the days Invader Zim: Yet Another Real Life Invasion has covered, but no one knows for sure.)

This day for a particular blue-eyed personality core and the second dumbest moron who ever lived was somewhat special and memorable, because there was no empatheticAmazon to shove him into a kernelsprite. He was just going around Aperture Laboratories, checking if any test subjects were alive, because that was what he was doing for the last three hundred years.

The last test subject he found that was alive called herself Marissa Roberts. She immediately fell in love with him, just his British accent driving her compassionate, but Wheatley didn't like the odor of what she claimed were "special superpowers" and he just put her back to sleep. Or so he thought. Because he's a moron.

Then there was this guy. (Note that me naming him is the last thing I want to do because I hate him just that much, and I could go on years telling you what is wrong both with him and his stories.)

I still left him with the horrible mutilation that a green robot dog called "Gir" made when he was in the Zimverse. Of course, Aperture Science, being the evil faction wanting me to be the butt-monkey and clearly being subconsciously ruled by him, just had to give him a robo-eye so he was a hideous cyborg boy even though no one switched his organs around. They would get back, and I would be their ruler.

I looked at the place. It was organized just like eA told me it should. It had one bed, and one of the normal kind, not a Relaxation Vault. Paintings and classical music were supplied. I noticed a television screen I could use to laugh behind the fourth wall. And it was wonderfully completed with a mural by some insane scientist who also happens to be my husband.

Then I looked at the time. Just like two of your years ago, it just had to be written in the YYYY-MM-DD style, which is only for morons getting little girls stuck in the facility and never "headquarters". I changed it to MM-DD-YYYY as soon as possible, because this is the right way that should not be tested because Aperture is American.

Unknown to me, under his "supervision", they would switch back.

But for the time that I was in control, everything would be done right.

Then this Wheatley, Marissa still hanging onto him because of his moronic obliviousness that only then didn't work when he was hatching an evil plan, got to the Extended Relaxation Center's part where the cyborg boy was held, and said in some voice that actually belonged to a British celebrity I knew from pre-1998 GLaDOS activation, Stephen Merchant:

"Someone else is alive! Perfect."

Another voice that sadly I never got to knowing also spoke. "Good morning. You have been in suspension for three hundred years or something. I honestly lost track of time myself."

"It's not. Bloody. Morning."

"Very well, Intelligence Dampening Sphere."

"Didn't we just agree that you should call me Wheatley? Let's say I don't want to be reminded that I am a moron."

"Very well, Wheatley. Now, back to your moronic- I mean, _morning_ argument, it doesn't matter. This being an underground facility, times of day are purely simulated. I can simulate any time of day you are in the mood of. Daytime. Nighttime. Evening. Rapid epileptic changing of sunlight. Anything you desire."

"Could you please simulate silence?"

"Thank you for your comment. I can leave you alone."

"Thanks."

Wheatley then rewinded his mental state to before this announcer popped up.

"Out of ten thousand flipping vegetables, well, mostly flipping vegetables since I still have to check them all, already two alive test subjects to help out with my mission! Wonderful."

The cyborg boy "knew" something was wrong, but, because he is the implication of my way of referring to Wheatley, he didn't know anything. He simply said: "What mission?"

Instead of giving an answer, Wheatley just said "I need to work on it becoming historical fact." and retracted to a robotic square hole in the ceiling, dropping Marissa in the same room.

"This Wheatley is hot, isn't he? Just his voice is making me fall in love." Marissa said, clinging onto the cyborg boy because for some reason she just needed to cling onto something. And her comparatively large breasts provided slight discomfort for both of them.

"No, I-"

"Admit it, whoever you are!"

"No really, could you…?"

"I love Wheatley! He's the best guy there is! And if he doesn't love me back, I'll have you be my Wheatley!"

Marissa said as the whole room fell apart because of the real Wheatley's horrible piloting skills, bouncing both her and the cyborg boy around.

"Well you do seem… kinda… lovable."

"My next Wheatley."

Just as then, the real Wheatley started speaking. "Okay, almost here. A docking station or something."

Of course, Marissa was oblivious to the real Wheatley's speech, as there was no one tangible saying it, and just held hard onto the cyborg boy. Like real hard. As if she could die if she wasn't holding on. As if she was…

In love with the cyborg boy even more than with Wheatley.

The real Wheatley then finally gave way to the test chamber number zero through a wall completely erased with his work, and left Marissa and the cyborg boy to just roll into the chamber. He wanted to be able to propagate his plan. And these two subjects were the two gleaming blue units of Aperture Science Sburb Revise Points on the black and green circuitboard floor. Just enough to build up to a gate and ascend to a higher rank among his fellow spherical employees.


	2. Chapter 2

The announcer then began speaking in a manner which may be OOC because I don't personally know him.

"Hello, and welcome to the Inter-Dimensional's Computer-Aided Enrichment Center. We are currently experiencing a management change due to fourth wall-related reasons. However, even in this difficult time with no real management to handle science, results must still be collected, no matter what Cave Johnson would say, should he travel forward in time and try to see any of former Aperture Science in here. The portal will open and free-for-all testing will begin in three. Two. One."

A portal in what is actually the Relaxation Vault, and nothing like the thing I woke up in, opened and the cyborg boy entered, Marrissa following him and being highly amused that the portal's view included a Relaxation Vault identical to theirs and two test subjects walking into the wall as well.

With this assumption, you could measure Marrissa's amusement, or, in her own terms, "o-mouthing" level, when, when they were on the other side of the portal, the other side also featured the two mirror reflections that weren't really mirror reflections because of the current spacetime continuum bending. The cyborg boy simply led her, because he never explains stuff neither when he is writing stories with me as his marionette nor when he is guiding someone through a deadly facility and never headquarters.

The next room should have been banned as a test but as it served as a simple introduction it was useful. The cyborg boy picked up the cube without a heart, meaning it was not plot-relevant. Marrissa, due to an attention deficit, examined the big red button and leant onto it, pressing it and opening the circular door with a blue simplistic piece of artwork similar to the Portal 2 logo. The cyborg boy then entered through the door, carrying the cube which proably should have been hard, to the fizzler, where it dissolved but as it had no hearts no one was killed and the horrible fanfic writer WASN'T ALSO A SERIAL KILLER WHICH WAS BAD AND MUST HAVE BEEN RECTIFIED. Marrissa didn't realize her next Wheatley wasn't returning and was left alone in the chamber to become not just with a short attention span but outright insane and also dyslexic.

The next test was some sort of freaky portal roulette that also shouldn't have been made by Inter-Dimensional. Click one button, portal opens, take cube, click second button, portal opens, drop it on a button, click third button, portal opens, exit. Come on. Inter-Dimensional can do better than that.

For the test that was numbered 02 but really was the third one, again proving Aperture Science doesn't know the basic laws of logic, Wheatley appeared to further guide the cyborg boy. "Excuse me, but why do you look so blue? Oh, now I see, your girlfriend isn't with you anymore! Hmm."

"Isn't she your girlfriend?"

"But she did call you her next Wheatley and all…"

"You are Wheatley. You are her original love. Don't you remember?"

"Me, being Wheatley? Oh, yes. You see, this announcer has forced me to believe my name was really Intelligence Dampening Sphere. We'll see who's the moron here, whoever you are!"

"Heh heh. Okay, sorry to interrupt you, on to the test," the cyborg boy said and moved on to the artificial floor that supposedly held the artificial portal device that was artificial, but it was really a hologram and I laughed so hard at the one and only moron in this entire fanfic.

"Now you are dead, aren't you. You fell through the fake floor and were killed by height- er, sorry. Electricity. Aperture invented the long fall boots."

"It has been detected that the Intelligence Dampening Sphere needs being reminded of Inter-Dimensional's current name."

"Again. I am Wheatley."

"Well, sorry, Wheatley. It must be in your programming - especially in the comments - that Inter-Dimensional still used to be named Aperture Science. However, this is not in compliance with Inter-Dimensional's policies, which state that any history of the company named, _Aperture Science_, must be disregarded for the name of science. Please head to the personality construct re-programming bay for further information."

For the cyborg boy, let's say he found the blue-portal-only portal gun, but stayed to examine the colorful panorama of drawings with a familiar style.

"You know what? No. I'm staying here, and repeating the name, "Aperture Science", until you give up."

"Sorry, but neither I nor Inter-Dimensional have time for any arguments coming straight from the speakers of a deliberately designed moron."

"Admit it. There is no Inter-Dimensional, there is no new management, and you're best off just leaving me alone."

"Again, it's not really me. It's the new management. And thus another flaw in your programming is revealed, as you don't believe in the new management and thus are in breach of Inter-Dimensional's policies again."

"You know what? From this moment on, Wheatley, the former construct of Aperture Science, is officially becoming a rebel against this "Inter-Dimensional" nonsense. Detaching from my rail in one. AAAAAHHHH-OW. Am I dead?"

"Oh, yes, you are. Personality constructs were designed to die every time they fell off their rails."

"You're just saying that. You can't really talk to me from the afterlife? I mean, do robots even have an afterlife? She was talking about something called android hell, but she also was just saying that, right?"

"Just admit that Inter-Dimensional exists, okay? Then I can leave you alone in this, as you say, "android hell"."

"Okay." Wheatley started speaking really slowly. "Inter-Dimensional exists."

"Very well. Thank you, and good luck doing android punishments for your android sins."

"HA! Just was fooling with you there. Still a rebel. Rebel rebel rebel rebel rebel."

"Sorry, but my zone of influence extends only to Inter-Dimensional, not android hell. You are officially on your own. Good luck."


	3. Chapter 3

The cyborg boy then navigated through the maintenance areas, which looked perfectly fine similar to when I was my post-Scratch self but with robotic equipment repainting the dumb Aperture Science logos to the new vaguely artistic Inter-Dimensional logos. Eventually he reached a dead end, because dead ends were one of the many new traits Inter-Dimensional developed and it was actually logical to have many rat men in the facility. As he did, someone started pulling the walls away.

"Hello, Intelligence Dampening Sphere's human clone! This is the announcer you already know speaking. We are currently having a problem with one of our employees, who simply must resist the brainwashing idea that Inter-Dimensional exists, and at this point your collaboration is highly welcomed. Please proceed to the sphere's resting place and re-attach him onto his rail."

The announcer then made one and precisely one way for the cyborg boy to go, since it is one of the fundamental rules of both video gaming and fanfic that you can't fight fate, which ended where Wheatley dumbly landed. The cyborg boy then slightly lifted Wheatley and the robotic rail did the rest. He turned on his eye and zoomed in to where Wheatley went and followed the dialogue, which started becoming one-sided, and composed of phrases like:

"Sorry, Intelligence Dampening Sphere, but the reprogramming is mandatory."

"From this point on, I am forced to start ignoring your pathetic attempts to re-designate yourself, because there was one way that you were made it and Inter-Dimensional does not have the right to consider how the past should have gone."

"No, it's not. Inter-Dimensional must go forward, as that's in our philosophy."

Which meant that, sadly, it did not cease to be the argument of the naming Aperture Science vs. Inter-Dimensional, which was not good and should have been fixed.

"Oh, and I forgot. For the clone."

Then robotic panels recomposed themselves to make one and again only one way to the next test, which began with yet another message.

"Please note that any appearance of danger is simply something originally designed by Aperture Science and kept by Inter-Dimensional for ironic purposes. Now, please solve the next test."

The cyborg boy noted there was a pattern of stupidity in these tests. For this one, the thing was it was all flingey as there was one pre-opened portal on the floor deep down and many white walls to reach key parts of the puzzle, which were - unsurprisingly - cubes, buttons and the exit. Fling to the cube, take it, fling to the button, drop, fling to the exit, go. And then what? It's guessable: another dead end.

As that was solved, Wheatley also navigated - using his rail - to the exit of the test.

"Hey! You're still alive! I didn't know that you could make it this far! I had three other test subjects to guide, and they all died when they tried to reach the portal gun. You're making progress, Wheatley. That's good."

"So, yes, I made it, unbelievable, what do we do next?"

"I'd say this. I was born in Aperture Science, I want to live in Aperture Science, not Inter-Dimensional. Which, because this place is actually called Inter-Dimensional, means I can't suffer this announcer telling me about the Inter-Dimensional nonsense, so I decided to… escape. Yes. That's what we're going to do. Say yes to Aperture Science and even Her, say no to Inter-Dimensional and the new management, and march straight into the facility."

"You mean straight OUT of the facility."

"Oh, yes. Just had a brainwave, we'll make such a good team. Me, organizing the whole thing, and you, fixing the grammar mistakes as I go."

"That's a funny team, but I agree. Out, and don't turn back under any circumstances. Say no! And even get other robots to say no and turn the snowball into an avalanche!"

Wheatley then used his rail powers to make way to a catwalk which, as everything else in Inter-Dimensional, was high-tech, but unfortunately, the rail ended here.

"Well, time to detach. Again. And at least, I know I won't die this time. One hundred percent sure. Okay, ready? ONE GRABMEGRABMEGRABME OW."

The cyborg boy, thankfully enough, had an ability to pick up objects using the portal gun without breaking his hands, and picked upband carried Wheatley through the catwalk with the scenery containing a jammed tube with the only priest in the entire facility, the Oracle Turret, made by Oracle (the company that owns Java) and rightfully given to Inter-Dimensional.

"Hello? I'm different…"

Of course you are different, you weren't made on the conveyor belts of Inter-Dimensional.

But Wheatley simply continued. "Go on! Go on! Sorry, but we're not talking!"

But the cyborg boy stopped. "Isn't that that one turret that's supposed to tell us stuff?"

No, moron, the only way in which he is "different" is he was not made on Inter-Dimensional's conveyor belts. They even entrusted Oracle with the building schemes.

"Don't make pie!"

"Since when Denis Grant founded Aperture Science?"

The announcer, tired of all arguments, started buzzing in a manner of human stuttering. "Inter-Dimensional."

"APERTURE SCIENCE. PERIOD. Don't talk back to me."

"Very well, I may do as you wish. Goodbye, and have a day on your own. Inter-Dimensional, saying no to our history one second at the time."

And then the Oracle Turret's "genius" stroke:

"Her name is Chell Johnson."

Oh. Shit. Go on, I said!

The catwalk started collapsing and Wheatley and the cyborg boy had to run to not fall. The jammed tube then unjammed and the Oracle Turret went somewhere else entirely.

"Crisis bloody averted, but what we are going to do now?"

"Go on with our plans, what else!"


	4. Chapter 4

What Wheatley and the cyborg boy found going further was a corridor that everybody knew, and it led to a place everybody knew.

I had been there four times.

empatheticAmazon had been there thrice.

Wheatley had been there for too many times to count.

GLaDOS…

Lived in there.

"Here we are. We walk down the road to Her, and She will kill us. If She's, um, awake."

"Do you remember hearing her? Because I don't."

"You insist She's dead? Well, you're the brain here, I'll believe you. Not that I'm a moron or anything."

"Off we go."

The cyborg boy carried Wheatley further, and it turned out they were right for one of the rare times. The chassis lay there, motionless and speechless, and no one was turning her on. Not the announcer, not Wheatley, not the cyborg boy, not me, no one.

"There She is… What a nasty piece of work She was."

"She was the lead of Aperture. Don't you dare talk about her in such disrespectful words."

"Yeah? She killed nearly everyone and guess who killed her? A human. This human then escaped and nobody's ever seen him since."

"Then interdimensionalPortaller returned and redesigned everything in her own image?"

"No. Sorry to disappoint you, but there are points where I am smarter. History of Aperture being one of them."

"Okay… Wheatley, and never Intelligence Dampening Sphere."

"Then nothing happened. Imagine sitting on a bench in a white room, for a hundred years. That's what the rest of the past is like."

"And then there's the present?"

"Excellent. And we're escaping now, at present, at the precise this moment, your pick. Now let's see here… exit exit exit… there's the sky above. We'll have to go up. To the sky, to space, again your pick."

"As in, what? Climbing?"

"Heh heh. No, human, the escape lift. It's installed in this chamber, and there must be a switch somewhere to activate it."

"A plan crazy enough to work." The cyborg boy dropped Wheatley on top of GLaDOS, as he was not an important part of the plan, and went around looking for a switch in that place where the personality cores' connections were monitored.

He flipped a bunch of switches etc. on and Wheatley was attached to GLaDOS.

"Auxiliary cores detected attached to the mainframe. Proceeding to activate the mainframe."

"It's okay, I can- AH! You GLUED me onto Her! Now She'll be SURE to kill me! You moronic monster!" Wheatley shouted, but his voice became silent to the outside as he did.

The coming-to-life GLaDOS then swung around a bit like a distressed damsel, and finally corrected herself to give impression of a deadly omnipotent artificial intelligence and not a distressed damsel.

The ever-talkative and polite announcer was first to talk. "Welcome, Mainframe Sphere, to the Inter-Dimensional's Computer-Aided Enrichment Center."

"You are kidding me." GLaDOS wanted to turn back a snarky response, but instead said: "Hold on…"

She looked around her environment and noticed the cyborg boy. "I knew it. The wanna-be ruler of Aperture Science finally took it over, renamed it and put me nowhere in his machine. And not to mention hung that little moron onto me."

Wheatley tried to shout "I am NOT! A MORON!" but only GLaDOS heard him.

"Yes, you are- I mean, he is. I am sure Wheatley is the dumbest moron who ever lived, and frankly the echo of my voice being the only thing he hears would be a great punishment. And as for this guy, I'll again assume he is in charge…"

The announcer delivered his deal. "I'm sorry, but the Intelligence Dampening Sphere's human clone hasn't renamed Aperture Science to Inter-Dimensional. It is purely for reasons behind the fourth wall, and I'm the official spokesman of the new management on this side of the fourth wall."

"You mean the Business Magnet is not in charge?"

"Absolutely not."

"Ah, then he is just another worthless test subject. Mr. Test Subject, I have one last thing to do before you lapse into seventy-five years or so of testing. I don't have the actuarial tables, so I'm approximating. Pull precisely this switch."

The cyborg boy pulled the switch. A rocket turret attacked GLaDOS and knocked Wheatley off.

"That's right. The moron is just better off dying a horrible death, rather than living a horrible death, and I am feeling this way."

The rocket turret aimed at the cyborg boy and shot, but he ran away and saved himself.

"Now, pull the same switch back. You don't want to kill yourself."

The cyborg boy turned the switch back, and the rocket turret retracted.

Wheatley started spilling his speeches onto the whole world and not just GLaDOS. "Hey, check it out! I can hear everything! And see everything! Not overwhelmed by Her voice and programming. You have NO idea what it was like."

"Moron, I need you to be silent for a while so I can sound more deadly."

"Very well. Silence… no sound."

"The Business Magnet, since you again went through the chores of an Aperture Science…"

The announcer, well, announced: "Call it Inter-Dimensional."

"Straifghtforward, if odd. The Business Magnet, since you again went through the chores of an Inter-Dimensional employee and attached that moron core onto me, and since you happen to be the only test subject around, you're going to have to test. And I'm going to have to watch. And the rightful order shall be restored."

GLaDOS then used her robotic claws to deliberately hurt the cyborg boy and have him move around, as well as try to crush Wheatley so such trouble would never happen again, and chuckled. "You know what just crossed my mind? I'm sure you will make such a great test subject."

She used a final barely stretching arm to stab the cyborg boy again and push him into the cold, not serving its purpose, incinerator. He fell in nicely, and Wheatley watched it with his last conscious thought.


	5. The end

In case it wasn't clear, the fanfic ended there.

The most horrible fanfic writer ever, _FULL STOP_, stumbled into the lava of the incinerator room I saw in the Portal 2 videos on YouTube because I actually never contacted empatheticAmazon after I had gone to your world.

And then he died.


End file.
